When I woke up this morning, it was 9:00 on Christmas Day. I have yet to go to bed, and it is 4:30 a.m. Christmas is technically over. The torn wrapping paper and boxes have been stuffed into a garbage bag and carried out to the trash can, along with the garbage from making Christmas treats and casseroles to take to the family gathering at Mother’s house. The refrigerator has been cleaned out and freshened up, and that garbage taken to the road to be picked up by “Waste Management” ( We used to call it the garbage man. Now it is automated and he doesn’t have to leave the comfort of his king-size cab!). I am tired, but still too jazzed from the day to lie down. My son had the same problem. Too much excitement in one day to sleep. I stretched out beside him and chatted a while, hoping to lull him into a deep sleep. I was the only one dozing off! He kept talking, so I suggested cleaning up his disaster of a room in order to make room for the new load. Surely he would hush and go to sleep if that was his only other option. NO!! The little fellow agreed it would be a good idea. and we proceeded to do something I have talked to him about doing for days now! When the task was completed, he agreed it felt better in there after having cleared away the clutter and sorted out the thousands of pieces from Legos, Bionicles, Hero Factory, dinosaurs, oh, and a few books underneath everything! He yawned, crawled underneath the covers and was sleeping soundly in five minutes or less.
I tried to go to bed myself, unsettling the dogs that love to sleep in my spot. I couldn’t turn off the noise in my mind, so I got up and cleaned the kitchen, refrigerator, reset my dining table with seasonal dishes, and am now settled in my favorite armchair, typing by the glow of the Christmas tree lights and the computer screen. I wanted to post a really significant message tonight, but nothing is there. The only thing that comes to mind is something I thought about as I wrote about my son clearing out his room to make space for all the gifts he accummulated from us, as well as our extended family. I’m going to try and put it into words for you, and hope you find a deeper meaning somewhere in there besides garbage!!
What came to my mind as I was writing about cleaning up tonight is this: I need to do the same thing with a few issues in my life right now. The real reason I couldn’t sleep is because this week I was forced to face an issue I have been quite content to ignore for many YEARS! While it was something I thought I was cool with now, facing the devil in the eye turned my happy, serene apple cart completely upside down! While I went into the lion’s den armed with a sweet smile, sense of humor, polite manners, and my “Big Girl undies” on, I walked out as angry as I felt when I had to think about it years ago. The more I’ve thought about it, the angrier I have gotten. All the quick comebacks I should have spewed forth at a rapid fire rate during the “confrontation” have just spewed forth for my supportive husband and sisters (and friend, and mother, and even my three dogs) to hear, complete with all the unladylike adjectives I could think of. It has literally drained me and nearly sucked my spirit from me like a roaring vaccuum cleaner.
It has hit me right between the eyes as I have been writing this, that I need to begin to”clean up my own room”, sorting out the thousands of pieces of clutter, frustrations,”to do’s”, and “I’ll start that tomorrow’s” that together are my LIFE. I think I have been mad because my “time of sorting out” was taken out of my control. My “I’ll handle that later” option was snatched from me and I didn’t like it. It was an issue to be faced, and I have done it now (though so not gracefully at all). I think I have wasted enough energy being angry. I am checking that one off my list, and begin sorting out the next biggest issue staring me down right now. I know WHAT TO DO about it, I just HAVE TO DO about it. I am a strong woman, I just have to throw an old-fashioned tantrum every now and then. Now, I can check that off the list and be as proactive about all these issues that I must admit I can’t control. I will do what I can to control my reactions, which this week left a lot to be desired.
I am back in the driver’s seat now. I am not going to LET LIFE HAPPEN to me, but rather work to MAKE LIFE HAPPEN for me. I am going to be the positive person that I am, and trade in my “angry boots” (that I have been stomping around in for the past few days) for my “positive pumps” (high-heeled of course) that seem to inspire confidence and self-assuredness within me. Will I have more big “clutter corners” to deal with in the near future? If I’m breathing, YES. But, in the words of my dear ol’ dad, I am going to try to see the messes in my life as “a bump in the road”. Grant it, sometimes that “bump in the road” has nearly flung me from my vehicle and threatened to run right over me! Starting right this moment, I am going to make sure my “seatbelt” is fastened each day when I wake up by making sure I am prepared for the things that I DO expect to happen. Doing otherwise makes the day a game of Russian Roulette – maybe I’ll go to bed totally unscathed, OR maybe I’ll feel like I may as well be in a full body cast! It will be up to me to choose that much.
I hope that my “pre-dawn ramblings” give you some food for thought if, like me, you are facing what seem like some insurmountable challenges in your life. I feel better after sharing this time with you. Thanks for listening. The sun is beginning to cast an ever so faint glow in the sky. Guess it’s time to power down and go catch forty winks! Have a great day, and don’t forget to fasten your seatbelt!!!