Well, it just happened… I nearly caved on Day 2 of my “2012 PDP” (Personal Development Plan – refuse to use the word “resolution).
It started in one store where I was purchasing “Nutella” in mass quantities for my squirrel of a husband. He must be prepared should a shortage of the product ever happen on our shores. I selected a few new flavors of white tea bags for us, and headed to the front to check out and move on to the next stop on my list of errands. Only one cashier was working, so I was forced to stand there and eye the candy while I waited for my turn. I bit my lip and got a diet soft drink from the cooler, and told myself I was in the clear. Then, I spotted the item that, at that moment in time, may have proven to be orgasmic as far as fine chocolate goes. What was the object of my affection? A theatre box of Butterfinger minis! I could tell it was fresh stock, too. The bin was completely full, and in neat rows with the $1.00 price tags all facing the customer right side up! NO ONE had been rifling through this candy. I bit my lip a little harder, and began to look around at the other customers, avoiding eye contact with “the box”. What was taking that cashier so long? Oh, I see. She knows the customer ahead of me, who is going through her restaurant coupons from the Sunday paper trying to find her something to use, as she is about to GO TO LUNCH!! They were quite oblivious of me and the other 4 people behind me as they discussed burgers, tacos, and fried chicken. I think fried chicken was the winning coupon. Hell, I don’t know for sure because I had casually leaned over to snag one of those pristine boxes of Butterfinger minis, and tucked it discreetly under the boxes of tea bags. My plan was to not open it, but put it in the back on the top shelf in the cabinet over the sink . I’d have the peace of mind knowing each little mini was there, and not have to actually ever eat one. I finally got my turn at the checkout and quickly placed the candy at the front of the items, so it would be among the first things bagged and out of sight.
I got to the car and threw everything in the front seat instead of the back as usual. You know why I did it. Yes, that is right – EASY ACCESS! I buckled up, placed the sunglasses on my nose and still didn’t reach to open the box. By now, I’m feeling pretty guilty and even more pathetic that I didn’t have the where withall to leave the things on the shelf. And with that thought, I placed the box in my purse, just to have it handy. Maybe the best strategy at this point would have been to eat them, and then it would be over. They were “minis” for goodness sake! How bad could it be? I’d scarf them down and then make a pinky promise with myself to not give in to this type of temptation again. I rounded the corner and was at my next stop, Sam’s Club. I got out of the car and toyed with the idea of tossing the “as yet unopened box” in the trash can as I walked in the store. I even went so far as to imagine Richard Armitage standing behind me, whispering in my ear, “That’s what you should do, love. You can do it.” It was then and there I realized I had more feelings attached to a longtime favorite candy than I did to a truly inspirational, gorgeous piece of eye candy, because I quickly replied, “Put a muzzle on it, Rick!” as I sassily pushed my cart right past that trash can! I actually made a quick trip through the “warehouse”, and found myself once again waiting in a long line to have my receipt swiped.
While standing there, I spotted a trash can right behind the store associate, and realized I was being given another chance to dump the goods. This time it was my inner voice and not RA’s telling me it was the thing to do, and I was strong enough to do it. I momentarily thought about handing the box to the lady when she swiped my receipt and saying “Happy New Year”, but then I noticed she was a bit chunky herself. I knew I didn’t even want this stranger to be in the dilemma I had been in for the last hour! I got my receipt checked and walked out the door and sashayed (southern word = “marched” in other places around the planet) proudly over to another trash can (I knew it was the last one I’d pass before I reached my home) and chunked that still unopened, pristine box into the the receptacle. The very solid “Thunk” it made as it hit the bottom was music to my ears!!
I think I know why I could throw it away coming out of the store rather than going into the store. Going in, I wasn’t listening to the right voice. Even RA’s “make you melt on the spot” voice wasn’t powerful enough to make me toss my problem in the can. Encouraging words, yes, but not something to truly effect a decision. Coming out of the store, it was my own voice saying this was a small thing and I could do it if I chose to do it. I also have now realized how many escape routes (in this case, trash cans) God gave me to use if I chose to use one. Everytime we are faced with difficult challenges/temptations, there are a couple of escape plans in place if we’ll open our eyes and look for them. We have to WANT to find one.
True change has to come from within my friends. Don’t think for a minute I want to be without my cheerleaders for one day. This time I did it by myself (along with a slight slip from reality involving an imaginary voice of a very real person that I’d like to think is the encouraging type). Next time, it may take all of you to pull me out of that trash can, kicking and screaming, because I took a nose dive right behind that box of Butterfinger “minis” to try and retreive it (that’s a whole other topic of discussion right there for another time!)! Have a great day!
Here is some visual food for thought: