Sleep Problem? I Don’t Have a Sleep Problem!

              ……….OR   ?

Tonight at 8:00 p.m., I will step inside The Sleep Center and hear the door lock behind me.  I have no idea what is going to happen after that.  Well, not exactly.  I do know the following:

  •  I will change into pajamas at some point.
  • I will have electrodes attached to me.
  • I will have a TV in my room to watch if I choose to do so.
  • I will have a camera, complete with audio watching everything I do.
  • I don’t have to go to sleep at a certain time.
  • I am not supposed to take a nap today (Sorry,  already did that, as I went to bed at 2 a.m. and woke up at 6:30 a.m.)
  • No caffeine after 3:00 this afternoon.

I really don’t know why I have to go do this in the first place.  I don’t snore .  I make a low growling sound.  There is a big difference.  I don’t hold my breath when I sleep.  My husband does that – even when he’s awake!  My husband told my endocrinologist that I don’t get enough sleep, and that is why I have to spend this Friday night AND next Friday night at The Sleep Center.  The reason I don’t get enough sleep is because I am a writer that prefers quiet, uninterrupted time to write, and that only happens around here when everyone else goes to sleep.  I stay up until early morning hours, and try to get going at the regular time because I have obligations and responsibilities.  So here I am.

There are a lot of things I don’t like about this set-up:

  • l don’t like the idea of feeling like I am on a reality show like Big Brother with cameras focused on me all the time.  I don’t like audio because I don’t know what kind of sounds besides snoring/growling they may hear once I’ve gone to Nappyland!!
  • I don’t like being somewhere that may have a deranged insomniac on site!  I hope I can lock my door, but doubt it.  Guess I can pack hair spray and a stiletto for protection!  A four-inch spike heel can do some damage as long as I don’t hesitate!  (I’ve watched 50+ episodes on The Mentalist on ion network this summer, so I am primed should some crime scene take place!)
  • I hope nobody has ever died there and haunted spirits roam the facility, because they will definitely look me up since I have psychic dreams and intuition (no joke- it is passed down on my mother’s side apparently.  There is one woman each generation with the “gift” and it appears to be me for my generation).  I don’t want to think about a sleep-deprived spirit.  Probably pretty darn grouchy!

What can I do to make the evening more bearable, maybe entertaining?  Here are some thoughts I’ve had on that subject:

  • I will probably do a concert for the poor souls on duty tonight.  I love to sing, and I can sing (or so I’ve been told), so I will make a song list before I go, and try to sing as many as possible before sleep overtakes me.
  • I considered ordering a pizza to be delivered around 11:00 p.m. just for laughs, but probably won’t spend the money just for a laugh, and because I’m sure they won’t unlock the door to accept it.  (Why are they so hip on locking the doors?  Do they think one of us will say, “Forget this!  I’m out of here!” and yank off the electrodes and leave mid-case study?)
  • I’ll pack some Smartfood popcorn to snack my way through the evening. Maybe a few bottles of water.  Maybe they will have “chewy ice” in the ice maker and I can eat that all night.  IT IS THE BEST! (I am iron deficient, and that is something common to those of us with that problem.  No joke.)
  • I have the current romance novel by Stephanie Laurens I started this week.  Maybe I’ll finish it.
  • I’ll take my trusty Nook and play Jewel Match and see if I can get past level 82, my current record.
  • I may take my laptop to try to complete my third novel which is almost to the end.  I’m not sure if the setting is conducive to romance writing (unless there is a gorgeous male nurse on duty to inspire me!)
  • Maybe I’ll “fan the dial” and see if there are some good crime dramas scheduled for this evening.

HEY!!!  Maybe I’ll just go to sleep at 8:30 and sleep through the night since that may be the best, and quickest, way to get through this.

If anyone reads this post and has actually gone through a sleep study, I welcome your comments on your experience.  Right now, even if they say I need that head-gear/machine to help me sleep better, I doubt I’ll get it.  I think I will look like a fighter pilot in the cockpit like in the movie,  Top Gun.  I spoke with a lady in the waiting room of The Sleep Center when I went for my consultation appointment.  She came outright and said her husband asked if there wasn’t something more sexy available for her to wear every night.  I suggested she hot glue black lace and tiny black satin ribbons on it.  Maybe even a sheer black veil edged in lace or satin ribbon?  If she could take on a dominatrix persona while in said suggested gear, that might do the trick and add a whole new side to their sex life, too!

Like I said, please send any suggestions or comments of what I can expect.  I will write tomorrow to tell you what ACTUALLY happens.  Have a great day, and a better weekend!:)

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3 thoughts on “Sleep Problem? I Don’t Have a Sleep Problem!

  1. Pingback: August 3, 2012 « Living Too Large

  2. I didn’t know you were a fan of The Mentalist…my daughter and I are hooked on it! Don’t know if it’s the man in the three-piece suits or just the thrill of trying to figure out a “whodunnit” before the big reveal in the last 5 minutes of the show.

    • I am serious when I say I’ve watched back to back to back episodes and marathons all summer. Mr. Patrick got me started on it. That’s “how we spent our summer vacation” – snuggled up on the bed, solving crimes! Thank goodness for ion network!!:)

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